Almost always, the “proof” is that they have relationships with non-Asian men. Derogatory and misogynistic language is common: “ Lu,” “self-hating AF”, “colonial mentality,” “white worshipping.” On this board, all these terms are used liberally, and virtually interchangeably, to denigrate Asian women thought to be ashamed of Asian culture. Officially, AZNidentity describes itself as “a Pan Asian (East, Southeast, South, Central) community against all forms of anti Asian racism.” Though some of the posts on the forum do focus on Asian identity and fighting racism, on the day I checked, 18 of the 30 most recent posts - and 20 of the 30 top posts of all time - explicitly discussed Asian women’s choice of sexual partners. Writers Mimi Wong, journalist Clarissa Wei, and the vast majority of women I spoke to for this piece (including me) were all targeted after being highlighted on “AZNidentity” - which frequently calls out Asian women its members disapprove of. Some quit altogether.Īlthough the messages come from many users, one particular subgroup on Reddit seems to be the root for most of this harassment. Some writers told me they shied away from writing about race, relationships, or identity. They told me they reduced their internet presence afterward - making it harder to share their work and get new work. The volume and venom of these messages has real-world consequences for these women. About half the women I spoke with shared messages in which harassers called their children (or hypothetical children) “the next Elliot Rodger.” Elliot Rodger was a 22-year-old who killed 6 people and wounded 14 others near the UC Santa Barbara campus in 2014 - leaving behind a “manifesto” blaming his mixed-race heritage and rejection by women as his motive - and the harassers invoke his name frequently as an argument against interracial dating and multiracial children. Other times, the implied violence is more subtle. We tell kids, “Ignore bullies and they’ll go away,” but the thing about ignoring bullies is that even if they leave you alone, they find other targets.įor instance, actress Hana Wu was targeted on Twitter after she tweeted a film trailer in which her character has a relationship with a white man, and she soon began receiving misogynistic messages on Instagram. Targeted harassment from Asian-American men toward Asian-American women over choosing a non-Asian partner or having multiracial children, I discovered, is widespread, vicious, and devastating. I’d thought I was alone, or just unlucky, but as I spoke to other women - 13 for this piece - I realized it wasn’t just me. In frustration, I shared the message on Twitter, and most people were appalled.
And like most of the harassing messages I receive, it came from an Asian man. It was a moment when Asian-Americans were celebrating as a community, yet here was a hate message plummeting out of the blue into my inbox.
But this message arrived in August - #AsianAugust, some were calling it, because of the huge success of Asian-centered films like Crazy Rich Asians, Searching, and To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. I’ve gotten messages like this for more than four years, ever since my first novel - featuring a family with an Asian father and a white mother - was published and my own mixed family became public knowledge.